Impulse Control

Impulsive behavior is not a new problem. It has been prevalent since people learned to walk on two legs. Probably stemming from the ‘fight or flight’ response, it is an instinct, and instincts can be controlled. That might make it an ingrained response, more of a trait than a behavior. From personal experience, it will take time and considerable effort to overcome.
There are several ways to confront those impulses. The most effective way for me to deal with it was finding a quiet place to think. That impulse usually made my muscles tense. That tight feeling was like an alarm, and I took it seriously. I found some soothing thoughts to reflect on, plus a list of questions to ask myself: ‘why now?’ and ‘what triggered it?’.
Teens, especially, go through a difficult set of phases before they become adults. Puberty and adolescence are the main changes. Along with those nerve wracking life changing experiences comes an increasingly powerful urge to be free. Free of what? In a word, control. The ages of 18 or 21 are social ‘mile-markers’ for adulthood. They are not, however, signs of maturity.
Teens face pressure from many sources at that age. First, parental controls we used to have no issue with can become frustratingly confining. Next to that, school pressures and certain physical changes, like strength and agility, play a role. The most disturbing ones are peer pressure and a need to feel liked, accepted, and valued. These pressures can create serious social dilemmas.
‘Fitting in’ has always been one of those pressures. That impulse usually contends with having a sense of ‘self’, or individuality. I leaned toward individuality. Basically, it was a question of who I wanted to impress. It changed the dynamic from wanting to be important to others and how to become important for myself. It’s a difficult question to answer at that age. For myself, it made all the difference. ‘Who do I want to be?’ is a life question, and it deserves serious consideration.
I don’t think the question ‘who are you?’ is an easy question to answer. ‘Who am I?’ depends on what you want to know about me. I considered myself a social outcast as a teen. That attitude made me almost completely immune from peer pressure. That was because I had a keen, well developed sense of morals, values and principles. I couldn’t be pushed into performing for others. I smiled at dares and taunts, because I had nothing to prove to anyone else. Developing a strong sense of self-identity is crucial to impulse control.
I developed my own sense of clothing style, based on what I liked. Going to concerts was not a priority after discovering that I needed earplugs to avoid permanent hearing loss later in life. Groups of kids who engaged in risky behavior for fun usually also drew the attention of law enforcement. One of the main things I didn’t need was a criminal record. Whether I wanted a higher education or a job, that would be a major stumbling block. In order to ‘replace’ those impulses, I developed other interests. Hobbies like playing guitar, learning a new skill on my own or focusing on my health with exercise and finding my personal best were risk-free.
‘Minimum risk for maximum reward’ is a mature goal. Practice will never make perfect, because there is no such thing as perfect. It will, however, help to develop a strong sense of ‘self’.