Guilt and Shame

As a Catholic raised in the old traditions, I was exposed to guilt on an almost daily basis. In school and in church, the clergy used the bible and its lessons as examples often. Fortunately, father had six years of experience in the seminary to set things straight. Those two influences placed me in a unique position.
Father knew the source of guilt in church. Priests and missionaries used it to squeeze a little more from the pockets of parishioners, restating a ‘worthy’ cause until the end of the presentation. In school, nuns used it as well. Students caught doing something wrong were consigned to a corner to ‘think’ about their transgression. I don’t think the tear streaks in that corner were sourced in shame or remorse. They were tears of humiliation. As a result, every child in that class grew extremely uncomfortable.
Genuine shame is a feeling of remorse. An unjust word or treatment to another that was not justified or just plain wrong. There was an overused adage attached to stem those impulses: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Guilt is far more complicated. Imposed guilt, from anyone else, requires examining. If guilt is assumed or accused by others, is it justifiable? All too often, it is not. Guilt from within is different. We know what we did was unjust, and guilt will not let us forget until that injustice is righted. That makes it an act of conscience.
Conscience does many things. It is not the source of guilt or shame, but a sense of right and wrong. We did something wrong, and hurt someone else. Wouldn’t we wish for the same if someone we cared about lashed out in anger or hate?
That relationship may or may not be lost to one careless or impulsive act. The only thing we can do at that point is try to make amends. That’s honest, and it shows how much we care. Accepting those amends is up to the person we wronged. Either way, our conscience, after the attempt, usually lets us go. At least we can move on at peace with ourselves.

That realization demonstrates how conscience works in our lives.